Losing Two Years
by EmzEmz
Summary: Losing two years can take it's toll. A short story on how Shepard copes with Kaiden's rejection and Garrus's acceptance after waking up from a two year long comatose. femShep/Garrus. Some angsty Shepard/Kaiden. T for cursing.
1. Chapter 1

"Commander? ... Commander? Shepard!"

Shepard snapped out of her comatose state, staring into the side of the shuttle. She'd been thinking a little too intensely. She looked a little confused for a moment, then turned to blink at Garrus a few times. "...Garrus?" She replied, raising an eyebrow at his prior aggressive tone.

Garrus chuckled lightly, his mandibles flaring just a little. "Thought you'd dozed off for a second there." The joke aside, the turian looked uncomfortable about what was on his mind. Miranda shifted in her seated position next to him.

"Commander... Erm. Are you- Well I mean... How are you- Ah..." Garrus trailed off feebly, apparently failing to ask whatever was on his mind. Now he had two human women looking at him like he was nuts. "I just wanted to know if you were okay." He blurted out quickly; he could have sworn he'd caught Miranda roll her eyes from the corner of his before he continued babbling.

"I mean back there Alenko wasn't exactly overjoyed... Not to mention we didn't manage to stop the Collectors getting those colonist and I know you – you wanted to be able to miraculously get there in time and save them - last man out, no-one gets left behind. And well. I, um, just wanted to ask how you were holding up."

It was nice to know that after this time and Garrus still couldn't ask the Commander a remotely meaningful question without rambling. The Commander laughed a little, and sat up straight in the shuttle's seat, taking the weight of the guns and armour off of her back. She hadn't realised they'd been digging into her that much... "Yeah, Garrus. I'm holding up just fine."

"Well, uh, you know. If you ever need to talk, I'll-"

"ETA, 2 minutes." The shuttle's synthesized voice interrupted helpfully.

"Yeah, I know Garrus. Thanks." The Commander smiled at Garrus, just like she usually smiled. He didn't buy it.

* * *

"_You betrayed me."_

Shepard sighed and shook her head, shrugging off the armour wearing her down. The thin underclothing beneath were damp with perspiration and Shepard idly wondered why she couldn't have met Kaidan first, _and then_ killed a shitload of Collectors. She'd have felt so much better and they would be so much dead...err.

She made a beeline for her quarter's bathroom for a shower, but stopped short to look at the picture on her desk. Against her better judgement, she realized she wasn't looking - rather glaring at it.

"_I loved you."_

Bullshit. If he loved her he would have understood. With a little more force than necessary she ripped her tank top off and threw it carelessly, leaving it to hit the fish tank and scare her new fish half to death.

Under the shower's water her anger loosened and faded like the tightness in her shoulders. She wasn't being rational here – this was Kaidan she was talking about. Of course she loved him, it had been two years for everyone else but she loved him just as much as if she was spaced a week ago...

Which was a fairly good point. She understands that everyone was under the impression she was dead. That it'd been two years – but how come everyone was conveniently ignoring that she had just lost two years and had all the same feelings she had two years ago, like time had never progressed?

Now out of the shower Sheppard simultaneously towel dried and dressed. She came to stand in front of the picture again, an uncharacteristic frown on her lips. It was all well and good to smile and nod and understand Kaidan. To smile and understand. So why the hell didn't he? The stubborn fool – she got it. She'd been dead. (She half wished the galaxy would _get over it_.) So why couldn't he get it too? She'd been dead. She never fell out of love with him and he broke her heart.

The Commander didn't cry tears of sadness or anguish, she was too strong and on too much of an important mission to be worrying about alliance soldiers she loved. Leaning forward she tipped the picture frame downward. She really needed some company to get her mind off things.

* * *

Shepard could still hear Harkin whining like a bitch behind them.

"Hey, Shepard..." Garrus started as they walked back, apparently not having a headache. "Thanks for doing this and everything but why didn't you let me- ... Commander? Are you laughing?"

Shepard glanced at Garrus through the corner of her eye and burst into a fit of laughter, apparently startling Grunt. She put a hand to her mouth and continued to laugh and snort simultaneously. It was very unfeminine.

"Oh god-" She gasped for breath. "I did not expect you to head butt him! Like a krogan! It..." She stopped, still fighting off the remainder of her fit. "I haven't laughed like that in a while."

"Nice to see you laughing again, Commander..." The turian admitted, rubbing the scarred side of his face awkwardly.

"It was a damned good head butt, I agree!" Grunt added helpfully.

Shepard smiled at grunt then nodded at Garrus. "Why'd I stop you from shooting him? Conservation of heat sinks." She replied smoothly.

"Liar." Grunt and Garrus said almost instantly and in unison.

Sighing, Shepard admitted defeat. "Garrus, when I found you – or Archangel – or whoever, you'd gone down a far darker path than when I last saw you two years ago. It was a bit of a radical change for me." She remembered what Joker had said: he'd pulled the stick from his arse and started beating people to death with it. Actually, maybe he'd shoved it up Kaidan's... "I just don't want you to get too far in. Revenge and angst does bad things to people. Like Jack."

"I am not like Jack!" Garrus defended immediately.

"What's wrong with Jack? I like Jack." Grunt announced, bumping his fists together. "She's got a quad and a half!"

"How would you say that?" The commander joked. "She's got half a dozen?" Garrus laughed at her horrible play of words – Grunt didn't get it.

"What I meant was, I don't want you turning into some blood thirsty, unforgiving pool of dark.. dingy.. dark.. stuff." Her face scrunched in confusion of how to explain herself; she shrugged. "I want you to play nice."

Garrus started at her for a few seconds, his expression obviously unbelieving of the words that came from her mouth. "Okay, sure. I'll play nice. After I kill Sidonis."

"Of course." Shepard sighed dramatically. "Let's go."

* * *

Garrus seemed anxious and angry, squirming in the shuttle's seat next to her.

"Harkin's a bloody menace." The turian started suddenly as they stopped, turning to face the Commander. "We shouldn't have just let him go." Never mind how funny the head butt had been, Garrus regretted not shrugging Shepard off and just shooting the fool. The turian was confused. Any other time, anyone else he would have just ignored their protest and shot him anyway. Why not that time?

"He deserved to be punished." Garrus concluded, firmly believing what he had said. Criminals were scum. They deserved to be hurt just like they hurt others. Suddenly a memory came back to him. When they were recruiting Jack. The prison guards beating that cell mate into a bloody pulp. The Commander had stopped them.

He remembered what he had said. You didn't get good answers that way – he really meant it was uncalled for. Maybe he'd been getting a bit too emotionally involved with Sidonis. Still, he had seen his entire men die because of that damn turian. His resolve faltered – whether it was the resolve to kill Sidonis or regretting letting Shepard stop those prison guards. He wasn't sure.

"I'm getting a little worried about you Garrus," Shepard looked at him so intensely the turian swore she was reading his mind. "You were pretty hard on Harkin." Images of Garrus popping up behind Harkin and slamming him into the wall ruthlessly, then stepping on his throat flashed in the front of her mind.

"You don't think he deserved it?" Garrus said almost immediately, like that inmate at Purgatory. Did he deserve the beating?

"It's just not like you." The commander said dismissively, looking in front again. 'Not like the you I knew two years ago,' she altered silently. Things were getting harder the more she realised how much time she'd lost.

Garrus didn't have an immediate retort. The look on her face... it...made him feel guilty. Like he was the one in the wrong, but that wasn't right. Sidonis had so much blood on his hands he had to pay for.

"What do you want from me Shepard?" Garrus demanded, turning away, no longer able to look at her face – the guilty made him feel sick. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

"_You betrayed me."_

Her voice caught in her throat. "...I'm not sure." Shepard answered truthfully, thinking back to Kaidan. Maybe she was hard on him. Maybe he deserved to react that way... No, but, still. "But I wouldn't let it change me." That wasn't the Kaidan she knew two years ago.

"I would have said the same thing before it happened to me." Garrus insisted strongly.

Oh god. The thought of Garrus changing so radically, like the Kaidan on Horizon... So foreign to her. "It's not too late." The Commander insisted just as strongly. "You don't have to go through with this." You don't have to change...

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't?" Some pencil pushers at C-Sec letting him off with some community service? Hell no – Garrus knew death was the only justice Sidonis deserved. "Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares." He looked away from her, refusing to feel guilty for doing the right thing. "I don't see any other options." It was true; he saw no other road to go down.

The Commander's heart ached for her friend. Soon she'd lose everything that was once familiar to her. "Let me talk to him." There was always another option.

"Talk all you want but it won't change my mind." Garrus said, completely ignoring the possibility of a solution where Sidonis wasn't dead. "I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us... he deserves to die."

"I understand what you're going through-" The commander continued to insists, her words chipping away at the turian's frame of mind. "-but do you really want to kill him?" Have his blood on your hands?

"I appreciate your concern..." Garrus said politely, "but I'm not you." He wasn't as strong; he couldn't dismiss something like this so easily and feel better of it.

"This isn't you, either." She continued to insist, completely believing Garrus was the same man he was two years ago.

"Really?" He sounded amused. She felt a little pissed off. "I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this..." The thought made his throat go dry. "Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?" His voice was passionate; the Commander knew this situation was too close to Garrus's heart for him to think logically of it.

"I'm sorry, Shepard." The Commander didn't hear the apology. She was too busy scheming ways to try and get Garrus to see the light. "Words aren't going to solve this problem. I need to set up."

* * *

Now Commander Shepard was pretty certain that if she stood in this position, Garrus wouldn't shoot. She was almost sure he wasn't down the crazy route enough so that he'd kill her for revenge. Almost.

Garrus watched her walk through his scope, ignoring her words whirling around in his head. He pretended he didn't have an effect on her, because she didn't. So why was he pretending?

So now she was sure he wouldn't shoot her brains out... "Listen Sidonis..." Garrus's heart jumped into his throat. She wouldn't – "I'm here to help you." Damn it! He ignored what she said, trying to get a shot clear of the Commander's damn head!

"Damn it, Shepard!" Garrus growled. She knew him and he knew what she was doing. "If he moved I'm taking the shot!" Garrus hoped he remembered Sidonis well enough. He wouldn't listen, no matter how persuasive Shepard could be... He was right, Sidonis moved to leave.

Shepard reached and grabbed him. Garrus's shot was still blocked. Sometimes he really _hated_ his Commander. Sidonis babbled at the Commander, probably sensing her strong sense of good will.

"Everyone has a choice. Let me take the shot Shepard," Garrus urged, "He's a damn coward." She moved with him, refusing Garrus his justice.

Sidonis babbled some more... and then Garrus could hear him talking about what had happened. Garrus listened. The man was dead already, but that didn't mean Garrus felt any better about it. It was the Commander who swayed him.

"You've got to let it go, Garrus..." Shepard said, in that tone – the tone she used that made even Saren top himself. Garrus knew then that he wouldn't shoot. "He's already paying for his crime." Damn her. Damn that tone.

"He hasn't paid enough." Garrus answered weakly, maybe she would step aside... "He still has his life..."

She spoke in that tone again. "...There's nothing left to kill." And then Sidonis spoke and Garrus knew the Commander had got to him, because when the bastard spoke Garrus heard what he said and it made him feel like justice had been paid.

The turian surrendered. "Just...go. Tell him to go." Damn it. What happened? Why couldn't he refuse her? Why couldn't he just lie and then wait until nobody suspected it and shoot the damn betraying bastard? Why couldn't he betray her?


	2. Chapter 2

**Um, so, hey! I wanted to thank everyone for the fave's and the subscribing... It made me write this next bit. This is ending up being a way longer story than I thought... What can I say? I'm a fan of relationship build up. I wrote this on a whim and the story hasn't got a beta... soooo I'd appreciate reviews for some motivation, and it'd also be helpful if you could point out any spelling error's I made. (Only if they annoy you like they annoy me, though!) So yeah, thanks again! **

**Disclaimer(s): This is a FANfiction. This means I don't own the universe I write about. **

**The poem mentioned in this chapter Love After Love by Derek Walcott. I certainly don't own that, either!**

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"I know you want to talk about this..." Garrus made sure to confront the Commander before she started getting all sentimental and happy about what had happened. "but I don't." He said firmly, the Commander raised her eyebrows a little. "Not yet."

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best." For Garrus. The Commander knew in herself that letting Garrus tale that shot would have been the push down a very slippery slope.

"I'm not so sure..." Garrus replied, completely talking about Sidonis – he have never thought that was for his benefit. He wanted to kill the bastard.

"Give it time." She reassured, smiling comfortingly.

"Yeah. Maybe that'll be enough." He didn't sound convinced. "I want to know I did the right thing. Not just for me – for my men. They deserved to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights... I just couldn't do it." Not with her talking at him like she'd been...

"The lines between good and evil blur when we're looking at people we know." The Commander always sounded far wiser than she looked.

"...Yeah." Garrus admitted, thinking back to what Sidonis had said to the Commander, and him, after her words had opened his eyes and ears – when he started listening to reason. "There was still good in him... I could see it."

"It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray... I don't know what to do with gray." When the Commander had been god, everything was black and white. The bad guys - you shot them, no matter the excuse. Yet Shepard comes back and everything starts getting grey tints. Killings harder, making the decision to kill even tougher... 'This damned human woman...' Garrus thought with affection.

"You gotta go with your instincts." Her wisdom this time was somewhat wrong.

"My instincts are what got me into this mess." The turian sounded so bitter and regretful.

"Don't be too hard on yourself." Shepard chirped in a lighter tone, touching his shoulder and then nudging the other. The unexpected contact made his mind go a bit... gray.

"Thanks, Shepard... For everything." For coming back, for taking him on this hopeless cause, for finding Sidonis, for talking him out of shooting him and for making life grey scale again. She smiled, and the feeling he got when she touched him flooded back. "Let's get going." He said suddenly. "I need some distance from this place."

"I'm with you."

* * *

Tali'Zorah sat quietly with Garrus, Miranda, Donnelly and Daniels. The quarian and the turian waited patiently for food they could consume, as the others enjoyed theirs.

"The Commander is something else." Donnelly said, happily poking his almost finished plate of food. "Goin' all the way to the Citadel with a shopping list just for our benefit; lucky blighters aren't we?"

"Geez, Kenneth!" Daniels exclaimed, staring at Donnelly's plate. "What happened? Did you inhale it?" A ripple of laughter passed through the mess hall, and Tali couldn't help but let out a little giggle. She didn't trust Cerberus, but her two down in engineering were such characters...

"I would have liked to have seen the Commander grocery shopping though; I just can't imagine her doing something so trivial." Donnelly said thoughtfully, and then attacked the remainder of his meal.

"I was there; she checked the list about 20 times to make sure she'd selected everything on the kiosk." Garrus said fondly, "It was a little funny to see the armed Commander Shepard deciding what spices the crew might like..."

The image of it was amusing to Tali, who laughed just as the elevator door opened and the Commander herself approached Gardner. "What's that human saying...?" Tali pondered, still quite amused. "'Speak of the devil'?"

"Hey Commander!" Gardner said cheerfully, holding out a plate for Shepard. "Made your favourite!"

"Thank you."

The whole mess froze up. It hadn't been the longest of times but the Normandy wasn't a very big ship and almost everyone on board was familiar with the Commander – she liked to get friendly. It was no surprise that they could now tell their Commander's moods. The Commander wasn't a hard woman to figure out. Her normal attitude was so warming that it became easy to tell if something was wrong.

"You're, err, welcome." Gardner said awkwardly. Shepard took her plate, and then went to sit with the others like she usually did. Nobody made a move. The Commander may be easy to read in terms of when things weren't right. It was a little harder, however, telling how close she was to blowing something or someone up.

"Um. Dextro-amino grub is up. Here's your food, Garrus and here's your sterilized mulch, Tali!" Gardner kept a brave face in possible danger. The two delivered their food, and then went to sit back down. Everything was so still, even Shepard herself had ceased eating.

"Hey, Commander." Tali tried, sitting next to her. "What's wrong?"

Blinking in surprise, Shepard looked away from her food and at Tali. "Oh." She looked around and grimaced. "Sorry, did I spoil lunch?" Instantly the table erupted in complete denial of any sour mood that had been bestowed on the atmosphere. She smiled, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

Miranda shook her head, and placed a hand on her forehead in exasperation of the crew and the Commander.

"What's eating you, Shepard?" Garrus asked, after swallowing his first mouthful. Normality restored, the crew apparently feeling safe enough to continue eating.

"Nothing." She fake smiled, pushing the food on her plate around.

"She got an e-mail from Alenko about half an hour ago." Miranda announced – but she was considerate so that her voice only reached Tali and Garrus.

"Miranda!" Shepard yelped, "I told you to stop hacking my mail! And for god's sake, so did your little sister!" The comment made Miranda smile fondly.

"Perhaps. But I have to check on you - orders. You might be sending vital Cerberus information to the Alliance..." Well that was the cover story.

"Kaidan?" Tali sounded surprised, and her food was being forgotten. "What did he say, Commander?"

"I don't know." She admitted sourly, pushing her plate from her. "I didn't read it. I... was kinda of offended he mailed me after Horizon."

Garrus coughed violently next to Tali, and the quarian thumped his back to stop him choking. "Sorry," He apologised, laughing. "And here I was under the impression you were all forgiving, Commander." Shepard smiled guiltily. "He pissed you off that bad?"

Shepard sat up, and pulled a face Tali assumed was supposed to be Kaidan. "_You betrayed me._" She mocked, in a very bad impression. Tali giggled. "How? By dying and then being brought back to life without a say in the matter?!"

"You're welcome." Miranda interrupted, but even she laughed a little.

"He wouldn't see reason, would he?" The Commander shook her head at Garrus in reply.

"I'm glad at least you guys at least came along." Her smile was thankful. "It's a bit overwhelming. Liara's gone all Matriarch Benezia, Kaidan more or less dumped me-"

"Crazy human." Garrus muttered into his food. Tali smirked under her helmet.

"- Wrex is leading his clan... I feel like I missed too much. Sort of like when you bunked off quantum physics and went back and had no idea what the teacher was talking about."

"Hold on." Garrus held up his three fingered hands to halt her. "You bunked?"

"Couple of times." Shepard grinned mischievously. "When I was training I often bunked the boring classes. Always too eager for action." She gestured around herself, the moving hand seemingly sarcastic. "'Careful about what you wish for, you might get it'. The saying applies to me so heavily."

"Every time I think I've figured you out..." Miranda said under her breath; then spoke up. "You really should read that mail, though, Commander."

"I don't know... I was thinking of just ignoring it."

"Really?" Garrus's mandibles flared, making him look very surprised. "I thought you'd be missing the old LT."

"Yeah..." The Commander leaned her elbow on the table, her head on her hand. "Maybe not him right now...too angry... M'missing the sex right now."

The whole table erupted in hysteria, even Gardner doubled over in laughter. "Wow, does everyone eves drop on me?" Shepard grinned despite the situation. "Hey!" She defended, "It was very stress relieving." Donnelly opened his mouth to say something. "And in advance." She interjected quickly with a sweet smile. "Any jokes on this will earn instant demotion."

Shepard's eyebrow rose at Donnelly, who rolled his eyes. "Aye aye."

"Seriously though, Commander." The flavour Tali's accent gave to her speech always made Shepard feel happy. "Are you okay with this? Back on the old Normandy you and Kaidan were pretty close. Rumours had been flying around, too..."

"Tali." Garrus warned.

"What? Garrus?" Confused, the Commander looked suspiciously at the turian. "Tali? Tell me." Neither of them budged and the uncomfortable silence was back. Miranda leaned forward, intrigued.

"Well... I'm sure it's just a rumour and I never really heard about it from a good source and well I'm sure it was never true but..."

"Tali!"

"Apparently Kaidan was serious. Before the attack rumour had it he was going to... take things to the next level. I'm not sure what that meant. I always assumed the next step would have been proposal but that would have been preposterous and-" Garrus put a hand on Tali's shoulder, calming the babbling quarian and gestured to where Shepard had been sitting, which was now strangely empty.

* * *

Shepard knew she should have ignored the message. What had she expected? For him to send some soppy apology message, saying he understood, wanting to join... wanting more? The Commander felt not herself and in that moment a poem Ash had shared with her floated around in her mind. She mumbled the words; they calmed her.

"The time will come  
When, with elation,  
You will greet yourself arriving  
At your own door, in your own mirror,  
And each will smile at the other's welcome."

Shepard smiled to herself, remembering the day her and Ash sat there and she got the Chief to repeat the poem five times until Ash refused to say it again. Each time there was the smallest chance Ash would quietly tease her Commander about her love for the poem. Shepard missed the gunnery Chief... She'd been so busy reminiscing she didn't hear her quarter's doors open.

"Err," Garrus stood awkwardly in the doorway. "Is it a bad time?" The Commander shook her head and gestured the turian in. She stood and led him down the sofa. "I hear the – was it a poem? It was very... I didn't get it. But, it was nice. I didn't expect you to be a poetry person."

"I wasn't. Ash was. You probably don't get it because that's only the first stanza and besides – how did you get in here?" She had a lock and pass code on the door.

"Miranda gave me the code..." Garrus admitted and Shepard chuckled. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to smash your private terminal and regret it later." His mandibles rose in the impression of a grin.

Shepard smiled with him and shook her head, slouching back. "No, it's fine. He apologized but also said he can't put what happened in the last two years aside for me. I don't think he realizes it... I'm guessing he doesn't love me any more and he's just re-experiencing survivor's guilt-"

"Commander!"

"Garrus?" She sounded amused.

He seemed embarrassed at his outburst. "Uh, well. You know... it sounds pretty ludicrous. Well you weren't there-"

"Yeah. I was kinda of dead." He laughed.

"-but Alenko was a total wreck. I think him and Joker felt the most survivors guilt."

"So you felt nothing about me going down with my ship, hey, Garrus?" The Commander joked, titling her head at the turian.

"Of course not. I didn't believe it. Not for a second – I was in total denial. I was convinced you'd somehow have survived. A year on and no sign of you I was too deep in crap to grieve and come to realization. Then you show up again and I remember seeing you down the scope and half thinking I was slowly going insane and the other half of me smug that my denial was right. I don't know Commander. I guess... I had faith."

Shepard only smiled at Garrus, and after a few seconds they looked away from each other and a somewhat comfortable silence before Garrus disrupted it. "So that poem, what's the rest of it?"

The Commander paused to think for a few seconds before she began reciting it.

"The time will come  
When, with elation,  
You will greet yourself arriving  
At your own door, in your own mirror,  
And each will smile at the other's welcome.

And say sit here. Eat.  
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.  
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart  
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored  
For another, who knows you by heart.  
Take down the love-letters from the bookshelf

The photographs, the desperate notes,  
Peel your own images from the mirror.  
Sit. Feat on your life."

The silence resumed, and Shepard felt melancholy after having gone over her favourite poem.

"Honestly I still don't get it." The turian laughed at himself. "Maybe I'm just not a literature kinda guy."

"Maybe you just haven't had the experience to relate." Shepard smiled warmly. "Well my take on it is that it's about the person you become when falling in love, and the person you return to after having loved. I was thinking how much of a sap Alenko made me into and then how I was slowly returning to my earlier ruthlessness without him when the poem occurred to me. I greeted myself arriving... 'with elation'." She quoted smoothly, seeing if he would understand. "Or maybe it only makes sense in English." She said, referring to their translators.

"Perhaps. So you're... happy with the thought of Alenko not loving you any more...?"

"No." Garrus was confused. "But I'm happy with the person I'm returning to."

The turian was quiet for several seconds and nodded. "I think I can relate. But rather, with revenge than love. Sidonis... that whole situation... warped me so much and I'm happy to be myself again."

"Ash once said she loved poetry because of the completely different opinions two people could have on one poem. Now I get what she was saying. Anyway, bottom line, I'm not replying to Kaidan... I'm going to let him move on." The two of them looked at one another silently for a few moments. "Thanks, Garrus. For coming to check up on me... and slightly hacking into my room. I'm going to have to change that code..."

Garrus nodded, standing from his sitting position. "You're welcome... and I'm glad Alenko isn't bringing you down too much."

"Well he did apologise. Whilst mentioning another woman. Whilst refusing to set aside the last two years. And whilst completely ignoring the fact I was dead this past two years – I'm sure he thinks I've been square dancing beyond the veil or something." The two of them shared a laugh. "Anyway, I should go and see what Samara wanted me for... I'll come to the main battery after, okay?"

"Sure. I look forward to it, Shepard."

* * *

**Haha.. Next Chapter: Shepard's shameless come-on!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't believe this was originally supposed to be a one-shot... o.o**

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As Shepard walked away from Samara, she smiled at the thought that all her missions recently had been personal favours to friends. What was it Jacob had said? People needing closure before more or less committing suicide – and it was true. What perhaps made Shepard think more was the fact that she really had no ties to deal with... Well, perhaps just one... But she'd already dealt with that.

Nevertheless, it was nice to have the freedom to spend all your money and resources helping out friends. She didn't trust Cerberus, but she liked the freedom they provided. Every u-turn you made was a four page report in the alliance and as far as Shepard knew all Miranda had to do was to send a side note to TIM:

'_Oh, yes, by the way sir, Shepard's just nipping over to Omega to quickly sort out an Ardat-Yakshi problem for Samara. I'm sure we'll be heading for the reaper IFF soon enough...' _

Shepard smiled, amusing herself. She passed Gardner with a small wave of acknowledgement before entering the main battery.

"Shepard. Need me for something?" He asked, wondering why she said she'd come to see him. Maybe she needed some help calibrating something...

"Have you got a minute?" Shepard suggested casually, wondering if he was in the middle of calibrations – she just wanted to talk. After Sidonis they really didn't have the time.

If Shepard felt like talking Garrus was happy to. "Sure, just killing time, anyway." Plus he did have some things he'd like to say. "I wanted to thank you again for your help with Sidonis." Garrus didn't give her the chance to reply.

"Whatever happens with the Collectors or the Reapers or whoever else comes after us, I know you'll get the job done." Hell, she came from the dead to make sure the job was done! Garrus had never really met a more thorough woman... No cutting corners, no time wasting unless she thought it necessary...

"I couldn't do this without you, Garrus." Honestly, Shepard was glad he was here. It was a great feeling to have Tali and Garrus following her into hell: people who would definitively not shoot her in the back.

"Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course." Garrus posture changed just a little as it did when he was being cocky, he leaned just a bit back, to make it appear as if were looking more down at you. Shepard was so used to the mannerism, it made her smirk.

Yet, she was reminded of the complete opposite. The helmet came off, and there was Garrus. He sat on a crate, legs and sniper rifle propped. He hunched forward a little, the utter exhaustion in his face completely eradicated by how completely badass he looked. Shivers went up and down her spine that day, and every time she thought about it since. Why? She had no idea.

"It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. Your people don't prepare for high risk operations the way turians do." Apparently expecting a longer conversation, Garrus watched Shepard walk casually to a nearby crate and sit down and did one of the things he loved about her the most – sit like a man. In her line of work, she had to portray herself as tougher than the stereotype of women.

"How do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?" She sounded curious and she was – Shepard wanted to know if there was anything she could do for Garrus to make him more comfortable about their mission.

"With violence, usually. Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."

Instantly alarms went off in Shepard's head. She never really had the pleasure of knowing a low ranked mission; injury before the mission seemed ludicrous. Did they want their men weak on the field? "You mean turian ships have crewmen fighting each other before a mission?"

Garrus almost laughed when he heard the alarm in her voice, and quickly reassured her: "It's supervised, of course. Nobody is going to risk an injury that interferes with the mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably."

Garrus thought back to the conversation in the mess... what Shepard had said... about what was stress relieving and soon he was telling an old story. "I remember right before one mission we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring." Sounded like the kind of turian woman Shepard would've liked, yet, she looked at Garrus and had no doubt in her mind the poor woman must have crumbled.

"I assume you took her down gently?"

"Actually, she and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. It was brutal. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room." Shepard smiled, having been in a similar situation before... before being Commander Shepard, saviour of the Citadel and people weren't afraid to spar with her.

Garrus faltered, feeling somewhat awkward telling this part to his Commander. "We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters." The memory was so clear in his mind, it made him trail off somewhat. "I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess." He looked at her, sitting there shaking her head and smirking, but looking at him like she understood. He'd always wondered where the Commander had been those hours before they landed on Ilos...

Shepard had gotten into this conversation wondering how she could help Garrus relieve his stress, and well, she never thought it'd be mutually beneficial. She paused, though, before saying anything, because did she really want to end up battle field flirting and fraternizing again? Did she want a repeat of Kaidan?

This didn't have to be Kaidan... This was just a way to forget... everything before she probably died. (89% chance of demise, as EDI had put it.) No emotional attachment. Plus, this was Garrus; Garrus who had been there when the world was falling from beneath her. So Shepard opened her mouth. "It sounds like you're carrying some tension." She stood up, advancing on him, buying valuable seconds to try and gather her internal courage. "Maybe I could help you get rid of it." Shepard really hoped she didn't go bright red, because she'd never come on to someone so blatantly before and really hoped her voice had sounded sexy, and not deranged stalker-ish-

"I, ah, didn't think you'd feel like sparring Commander." –then all at once felt relief in the form of humour. Maybe turians were even more direct with their euphemisms.

Shepard shakes her head, as if he'd misunderstood. "What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker? We could test your reach... and my..." The Commander leaned casually against the battery's panel, with such a sultry look in her posture and eyes it made Garrus's heart stop because he knew if the next word really would come out of her mouth he'd never be able to look at that panel without imagining her. "...flexibility."

Surely, he had somehow fallen ill and was now hallucinating, because Garrus could have sworn – silly of him – that his Commander had just made a pass on him. He expected to wake up, but she just stood there, smirking at him and although turians couldn't smile, in that moment it was the sexiest smile he'd ever seen.

Euphemism, innuendo, metaphor.... She'd definitely come onto him. "Oh! I didn't...Huh. Never knew you had such a weakness for men with scars." She didn't have prior interest and humour was a natural defence mechanism to situations where you should panic. But Garrus didn't panic because the Commander was never a normal human woman to him and the thought of it always appealed to him. Shepard was his ideal woman... in an alien body.

Plus – he wanted to for not just him but her as well. Maybe this was the way Shepard dealt with the stress she piled on in mountains and the turian had always wondered how she'd coped and now he knew he was almost _eager_ to help. Mostly, he was curious how good the saviour of the Citadel, infamous Commander Shepard was in the sack. If it was anything like she was on the battle field... it'd be worth the awkward aftermath. So worth it.

Could anyone blame him? After all, he was male, and boys will be boys...

"Well, why the hell not? There's nobody in this galaxy I respect more than you." Who else did he knew who had gotten spaced and then came back just more pissed off than before? "And if we can figure out a way to make it work, then...yeah. Definitely." Garrus had just talked himself thoroughly into it and was frustrated at how calm and collected and strangely sexy she seemed as she walked by him, smiling, and brushing too close to not be intentionally teasing him. Oh great, was he going to get sexual thoughts every time she walked by, or he looked at his work station now?

Garrus watched her go, not knowing of her internal panic, only wondering how he was having a mild fantasy in the back of his head when he didn't have a clue how turian/human sex worked.

* * *

Apparently, Commander Shepard, like most stereotypical human women, liked to shop. Not in the traditional sense however, no, the Commander didn't coo over shoes or dresses, but instead had small fits about tech/biotic/armour upgrades and really big guns. She was the strangest woman Garrus knew and recently he'd been noticing this more.

Shepard hadn't expected trouble, bringing Tali and Garrus along for advice on the tech upgrades she should buy and just because they were more loose around her than most of the newer crew.

The three of them walked along the shopping district of the Citadel.

'_Hi-_

'_I'm Commander-'_

'_-ard and-'_

'_-my favourite-'_

'_-on the Citadel!'_

"Shepard..." Tali groaned as they walked past Saronis Applications in which they'd spent quite a few creds on tech upgrades. "Just... why?"

"I wanted a discount." She replied casually, like that was a perfect excuse to be giving the same promotional material to every single store on the god-damned Citadel.

"You could've just got out your hand gun and threatened them for the damned discount." Garrus groaned, because if he heard that phrase one more time, he would jump into the Presidium lake.

"Oh." There was genuine surprise on her face, as if she truly hadn't seen that as an option. "Oh well. We're going back to Citadel Souvenirs."

"For more fish?" Tali sounded amused. "I'm sure it's against animal cruelty laws to kill more than a few hundred fish from starvation, Shepard..."

"Har-har, Tali. They won't starve any more. Kelly agreed to feed them for me whilst I'm gone!" She sounded cheerful, practically skipping (which was an odd look for a woman in a mass of bulky N7 armour) into the shop and heading for the kiosk, ignoring herself saying this was her favourite shop, though perhaps this once it was true.

"How'd you get her to agree to that?" Tali watched as Shepard practically bought everything from the kiosk.

"Finally agreed to have dinner with her." It was said so casually, there was a ten second delay before Garrus had some sort of outburst that was just sound, indignation, flailing slightly.

"You had dinner with your Yeoman?!" He wasn't sure which was worse, the image of Shepard and Kelly or the Yeoman being allowed into Shepard's quarters alone when she was out on missions. The Yeoman weirded Garrus out... she was too cheerful. Plus his psych interview questions had been _way_ too personal.

"I feel sorry for her! Do you think just because I command the ship I don't hear the rumours? They hurt her, you know? She did not give a blow job to an elcor, no matter what Jack said." Trust the Commander to be made to feel guilty about rumours other people spread – always so compassionate.

"But you do know she is in love with you... right?" Tali prompted as Shepard paid for her fish and they exited the store.

"It's not the point. It was friendly. Seriously, guys, stop worrying!" Stressing, Shepard flapped her arms in a mannerism that did not look good in her armour. A nearby asari wondered if Commander Shepard had been trying to fly.

Garrus held both hands up. "Hey, all I'm saying, is if you get back from a mission and your underwear is mysteriously missing I did-"

"Is that Kaidan?" In unison, Garrus and Shepard stared at Tali in shock then followed her eyesight to see a tall, dark haired human looking strangely about a store as Shepard's audio promotion was activated.

Without another word, Shepard left the two standing. She turned swiftly on the spot and gracefully began to get the hell out of there. Apparently the clunk of N7 armour on the Citadel's floor wasn't a common sound, because as if he singled it out from a mile away, Kaidan turned and looked directly at Tali and Garrus in confusion, then to the empty gap between them before finally Shepard's retreating back. The back that never replied.

"Shepard!" She pretended not to hear it; she hoped he'd get the hint. She just hoped. "Shepard!" The Commander rarely got what she wanted. Of course, shouting a famous name like that drew attention, and soon everyone was doing full 360 turns to try and catch a glimpse of her.

Garrus stopped Kaidan passing them. They looked at each other for a few second before Garrus shook his head a little. Kaidan didn't accept the hint, shrugging Garrus off with no malevolence and almost politely barging Tali aside like a complete gentleman would.

She hadn't realized he'd started running, and was caught completely off guard when he grabbed her shoulder. "Shepard..."

They stared at each other for a few second, and then she put on her brilliant, genuinely fake smile. "Kaidan-"

"-Sh-"

"No wait," She cut him off, and her commanding tone brought back memories and chills. Kaidan listened. "Just listen to me. I got your mail. Everything's fine Kaidan but you're right," Instantly he knew if she was admitting he was right he was not talking to Shepard, but some bullshit alter ego he got whenever she was handling a dire situation that honestly affected her. "It's been two years. I was dead. How rude of me to come back, listen, move on. Sooner or later it'll be like... it'll be like I never came back. So just go out with that doctor. She sounds nice-"

"She looks like you."

The next word that was coming from her throat stuck, and she only hiccuped and shut her gaping mouth and Kaidan got that look, that look he got when he was on the road to losing his temper – which was a fairly rare occurrence.

The shock on her face made Kaidan start. "What do you mean 'it'll be like I never came back'?! You think it's that easy? You're alive and I just move on. You never did reply. That night on Ilos... it meant nothing to you?"

Then all of a sudden everything went wrong. Shepard was angry, Kaidan was angry. Their tempers were as bad as each other's.

"Meant nothing?!" She hissed, reflexes making her hand twitch. Shepard was offended. Usually she could put a bullet into anything that made her mad, but usually there was no emotional attachment; yet she didn't need a gun to make someone feel pain.

Tali's melody came from somewhere very far away from both of them. "She's going to hit him." Almost instantly Tali had been pulling back her Commander, and Garrus had a firm hand on Kaidan. A fair distance from each other, they continued their argument in raised tones.

"Then explain to me!" He demanded, not moving to get Garrus's hand off him. "Explain why you're so happy to have me out of your new life! You won't even wait. I've been waiting for two years and you won't even ride the storm out for us!"

Shepard mellowed; Tali loosened her hold. Garrus' stomach flipped, because he could have sworn she'd glanced directly at him. The tension was so thick, even the nearby crowd had had the sense to clear out, and the people left were deathly silent.

"It's for the best..."

"You should tell him." Garrus's voice was strangely cool in the heated moment.

"Tell me what?" Kaidan looked between Garrus and Shepard. "I knew something was wrong. I knew Anderson wasn't telling me something. Shepard, what's going on? Why are you really with Cerberus?"

Shepard looked firmly into Garrus's eyes. A warning. "No. Come on. We're leaving." The façade was back, and she stood up straight and began her way back to the Normandy. Kaidan didn't have time to react, one second she was there, the next all three of them were gone.

"Damn it!" Kaidan howled, banging a fist on a nearby wall and then heading for a transport terminal. He needed to see Anderson.

* * *

"Well that went well." Shepard didn't even sound sarcastic.

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**Tell me what you think? Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Mild warning for this chapter. It contains clinical and casual references to sex and porn. More humorous than anything M-rated. Nevertheless, you have been warned!**

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Shepard had been striding with such purpose filled steps and unwavering determination to get back to the Normandy Garrus was shocked when he himself took her arm just short of the airlock and gestured Tali aside. The Commander snapped out of her controlled, commanding alter ego and looked at Garrus with mostly confusion, perhaps some of that left of rage from Kaidan and something else he never really understood.

"Commander..." Garrus realized how much of an idiot he was. "Actually maybe this isn't the best time."

Bemusement plastered Shepard's face, and then she nodded quickly because her urge to be away from the Citadel was a lot stronger than her curiosity right about now. "Just come to my quarters if you need me." She rolled her eyes as the airlock opened. "You know the code."

"Yeah..." He chuckled half heartedly, and left her to charge in front.

"Will she be okay?" Tali asked quietly as the two trailed behind, by a small distance.

"Definitely." He had no doubt. "Or she won't, and will never admit it." Somehow, even with the suit, Tali looked worried.

* * *

A shower had always cleared her head. Didn't the rhythmic beat of the water have that effect on everyone? She was thankful of the spray, feeling its heat just wash away the events of that day. Shepard didn't have the time; she couldn't afford to let her own problems and emotions get in the way of her missions. She couldn't be selfish. She wasn't allowed – the universe depended on it. Shepard was the person who had to sacrifice everything for... everything.

Well, perhaps she didn't have to sacrifice the small pleasures. The Commander happily hit the button on her tank and stood there. Watching the new fish seemed to bring her firmly back to normal and she had completely forgotten what had happened. She'd only realized it in that moment that no matter what would happen she didn't want to bring Kaidan down with her suicide mission.

Shepard realized she sort of contradicted herself... Yet Tali and Garrus _wanted_ to come and the Commander really did have **every** intention of surviving.

Her door's quarters opened and talking of pleasures, a turian stood awkwardly by EDI's terminal, rubbing one arm with a three-talon hand.

"Commander..." Shepard stood by the tank, looking up at him with only curiosity now. "I just wanted... do you think it's a good idea?" She shook her head, not understanding. "I mean. Blowing off steam... I don't want to do something you'd regret.... you know... because I-"

"Stop worrying, Garrus." When she spoke, her smooth, calm tones resonated in the almost silent cabin. She turned back to the tank and smiled. "I know what I want and I'm fine with it. Aren't you?" She didn't look at him, only stared at the bright creatures eagerly race for the last of the food.

Was he? Garrus was fine with it, "Yeah..."

"Then why the worrying?"

Did he know what he wanted? He knew what she wanted; sure, Shepard wanted some down time before she threw herself into fire. Garrus knew what he wanted. He wanted whatever she wanted. "Yeah." He reinstated more confident now. "Sorry, Shepard... Sometimes I think too much." He chuckled to himself, mandibles flaring the way they always did when he was humoured.

"Trust me." She laughed herself, "I know."

"Alright... well." He started walking backwards (why backwards he didn't quite know) out of her cabin. "I'll see you... Commander."

Shepard waved at him, her look questioning him until the doors finally blocked the turian from sight. It was a couple of minutes before she heard the elevator, however. She was left starring at the fish, wondering why she had an awful urge to call him Archangel whenever he called her Commander...

* * *

"Thank you again, Commander." Samara's regal tone travelled all around the CIC, causing several heads to turn. "I must say again, that I was very impressed when you denied Morinth control. How very rare it is, for a human to be able to resist such a thing... If you don't mind, I will now have to... meditate on things."

"Of course, Samara. I'm here if you need me." Shepard exited the elevator, leaving Samara. Kelly opened her mouth to convey something, when Garrus burst out from the direction of the tech labs. He saw the Commander.

"What's wrong?" Shepard demanded, somehow noticing he was worried. Kelly's mouth shut, suspiciously looking between the two.

"An Ardat-Yakshi. You agreed to go in alone, unarmed, with an Ardat-Yakshi?! What if it had been a trap?" Garrus demanded, walking towards her. Shepard was in shock. She was being scolded by Garrus. She felt twelve years old again.

"I-I've been in far more dangerous situations unarmed!" Shepard defended, feeling like she was somehow sounding childish. "I go into an asari's apartment alone, you're somehow concerned for my safety, yet I'm going to ambush a collector home world and you're fine with it. Garrus, what the hell are you talking about?"

The turian seemed frustrated, and instead of talking paced up and down a couple of times. "Okay. Okay... Maybe I over reacted. I lost a friend to an Ardat-Yakshi. It's... it's probably nothing. When Joker told me, I don't know. You..." Garrus shook his head and suddenly felt embarrassed. "Sorry, Commander."

"Okay. It's fine. Archangel." The last word she'd said under her breath, so when Garrus's mandibles twitched in annoyance, Shepard played innocent and Garrus played deaf and made his way to the elevator.

Smirking to herself, and still a little confused she made for the tech lab, leaving Kelly talking to herself.

"Shepard. How can I help?" Mordin looked as busy as ever, probably doing a hundred and one things simultaneously. Shepard had liked the scientist since they had met. Maybe it was the way he talked.

"Have you got a minute to talk?" She asked, trying to understand some of the things he was doing. Maybe she recognised a few things... maybe.

"Actually wanted to talk." Shepard looked at him as he approached her, "Medical matters." Medical? Had Mordin become her doctor? Dr. Chakwas was surely not happy with this... "Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing."

Shepard froze. How the hell did Mordin know? Then she remembered Garrus... Ah, so, the turian was doing his research... But still, Mordin? Why not Chakwas? Saying that, Shepard couldn't imagine asking the woman for sexual advice... well, perhaps not with another bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy.

Okay, fine. "I intend to be cautious, Doctor, but Garrus is important to me. You're not going to scare me off." At least she really hoped he wouldn't try.

"Of course. Hormones. Regardless, come see me later. May need analgesic. Chafing."

Okay, so, chaffing didn't sound so good. "You have a recommendation as a doctor?"

"Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reactions. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don't, ah, digest." Mordin really had good intentions, but that had sounded awful. Digest? Shepard had never though... or considered. She needed to do some homework on the extranet.

"Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zones overview. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary."

Vids? What! Oh, Shepard got it. "Wait a minute, Mordin," She smirked, raising her eyebrows, "You're just yanking me around, aren't you?" Because turian/human sex sounded a lot more problematic than Shepard had hoped.

"Shocking suggestion!" The salarian seemed genuinely horrified at the insinuation. "Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery." He spat the words, and Shepard knew he wasn't taking the piss. Shepard had some kind of studying to do... "Enjoy yourself while is possible, Shepard. Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required." Shepard was pretty sure that was a joke.

A little bit dazed, the Commander started to make her way to the elevator. She saw Joker hobbling towards her. The Commander gave him a questioning look.

"Need to take a leak." The pilot sounded thoroughly pissed off. "For being the shit and all with the leather seats, Cerberus did make a vital error. Why isn't there a rest room on this deck? They KNEW they'd have a crippled pilot on board! Honestly, Commander. These smart people. They all lack our common sense. Not, uh, that you're not smart. Commander."

Shepard couldn't help but laugh as they ambled in the elevator. "I'm sure they were convinced they'd have cured your condition by now, Joker. Still, if the ship gets trashed again, I'll put it in as a side note for SR-3."

"Don't say that!" Joker sounded appalled, almost protectively placing a hand on the elevator wall. "I've already lost my first baby Commander; I don't think I could take losing two..."

EDI came from nowhere. "Well, Mr, Moreau, if 'your baby' is lost I imagine so shall we. Almost 100% likelihood that the destruction of the Normandy around collector home world will promise our demise."

"Yeah. Uh. Thanks for that, EDI. Actually Commander ...Tell me more about this SR-3..."

Shepard put a hand to her face, just quietly laughing at the two.

* * *

Shepard blinked a couple times when the doors locked closed behind her and wondered how the crew would react had they known... Mordin better keep his mouth shut.

"Yeah." Shepard snapped back to reality, listening attentively. "I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam, easing tension." For a second there, Shepard's heart stopped. The tone in Garrus's voice... she thought he was going to say no or that it wasn't possible and Shepard would have to be privately mortified and embarrassed.

"I've never considered cross-species intercourse." His tone changed – curiosity? "And damn, saying it that way doesn't help. Now I feel dirty and clinical. Are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I'm not... Look, Shepard. I know you can find something a little closer to home."

Was Garrus rejecting her or just unsure? Shepard really wasn't sure but the thought of something 'closer to home' made her stomach churn because really, who was there? Jacob was more like her brother now and Kaidan wasn't even an option anymore.

Sure, Shepard could get any guy in Afterlife if she wanted. She'd just have to flash a smile, drop her name and she was almost sure any guy would love the chance to be in the news the next day: 'I slept with Commander Shepard, hear my story.' She cringed inwardly.

There was no-one she could trust and the bottom line was Shepard didn't want anyone else and Garrus sure as hell wasn't going to talk himself or her out of this just because it got a little more complicated than straight, normal sex!

"I don't want something closer to home." Since when had her voice become so soft around him? "I want you." She stepped closer, and Garrus couldn't help but stare at her feeling flustered but determined not to let it show... The way she spoke, the words she said. Damn. If only she could hear herself speak turian.

"I want you. I want someone I can trust."

What a stupid turian he was. Shepard didn't want just any old one night stand. If she wanted that she could've asked any human... He'd been misreading the situation. Maybe the Commander was softer than he'd thought. Someone she could trust – he was really so goddamned dense sometimes. Even Commander Shepard wanted to just feel safe sometimes.

"I can do that. I'll find some music... and do some research to figure out how this thing should work." He was more determined now he was sure it was what Shepard wanted. He spoke fondly to her, "It'll either be a night to treasure, or a horrible interspecies-awkwardness thing."

Garrus really wasn't good with words – Shepard seemed to like it. She'd smile at him every time something stupid came from his mouth. "In which case," He continued quickly, "Fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction, so you know, a win either way." He got the feeling what he had said was at least somewhat stupid because Shepard's smile turned into a smirk.

Then it died, and she looked troubled, uncrossing her arms and placing one hand onto his. "You know, Garrus, if you're not comfortable with this, it's okay. I'm not trying to pressure you."

Oh god she thought he was doing this because of ranks! "Shepard you're about the only friend I've got left in this screwed-up galaxy." Her smile changed again. Genuine. Maybe he didn't have to think so hard every time he spoke. When the words came naturally they seemed to do alright.

"I'm not going to pretend I've got a fetish for humans..." Although the Commander herself was unexplainably alluring, yet Chambers looked like a mass of jelly, "But this isn't about that. This is about us." When he said it like that, both their stomachs did something a little odd.

"You don't have to worry about making me uncomfortable." Honestly, the turian never felt uncomfortable around the Commander... "Nervous, yes... but never uncomfortable." Maybe one day he wouldn't feel so nervous... But perhaps it was just because this was Shepard. A god-damned powerful woman he admired with everything he had in him.

Apparently satisfied, Shepard took on her sultry tone again, the one that made Garrus nervous. She must've been doing it on purpose. "So, when should I book the room?"

"I'd wait, if you're okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible..." And to make sure by then Garrus actually knew where to put it. "And take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm." Hopefully, calm and not sheer awkwardness. "You know me. I always like to savour the last shot before popping the heat sink."

Why was she looking at him like that? No, seriously, why was she smirking- Oh. OH. Crap...

"Wait. That metaphor just went somewhere horrible."

Shepard seemed so smug as she backed away, taunting him with her eyes. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Right," The sarcasm dripped off his words. "'Cause I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now." Especially since you contaminated the room with the image of you and your flexibility.

She only smiled and backed away until the door closed, leaving Garrus staring after her as if it were still open.

Okay. Right. They were really doing this. Garrus headed straight for his portable personal terminal and sat on the crate – where Shepard had sat before – and started pulling up the stuff he'd received from Mordin.

The first few objects were images. Very clinical diagrams of the human female reproductive organs. It seemed fairly straight forward. There was only one hole you'd really get it into without awful resistance and the image seemed strangely similar to turian anatomy, except without the hard shielding and plating and what the hell was that?

Garrus leaned further in to squint before he clicked the link, and instantly paid more attention after the line 'more than 90% of women get their orgasms...'. Huh. Interesting. That was kind of sad really, it was like most human women had sex for the male's pleasure. Actually, now he thought about it, Shepard was probably in the other 10%. She was always in the minority.

Then Garrus watched the vids and they were not helpful. Between the vids of really cheesy, awkward-to-watch demonstrations and looking between the diagrams and the ointment Mordin had given him, Garrus felt like he was getting nowhere.

It wasn't really showing how you did it.

The turian felt ridiculously dirty as he searched for less clinical... intercourse... vids on the extranet. Turian/human vids turned out to be not impossible to find and he lined up a few. First, he watched the normal human ones. It got a little repetitive and the female surely had way too big breasts to be natural and they looked... awful. Shepard's didn't look like that. Did Garrus look at hers? Apparently he did.

Why wasn't the male paying attention to...? Oh. Uncommon knowledge for human males. Hm. Unlike turians. Turians went in always very well prepared, and had decidedly less social restrictions.

Oh... They were... really going at it. If Garrus did _that_ to Shepard he'd peel her skin off. The turian looked at the ointment in his hand. Garrus looked back at this vids. This was going to take a lot more preparation than he'd expected.

Garrus selected one of the turian/human vids. He'd missed the 'sadistic' part in the description.

* * *

"Mr. Moreau?"

"EDI?" Joker only paid the console a quarter of his attention, at the very maximum.

"There was just a rather alarmed outburst from Garrus in the main battery, but he has the door locked. Should I send someone to check on him? He seems to have suffered no physical injuries or pain."

"I'm sure he just messed up some calibrations, EDI, Garrus is probably fine."

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**Please review and let me know what you thought!**


	5. Chapter 5

**GAH! Sorry for having not updated for so long. I'm being overwhelmed by exams. Managed to write this between revision, so sorry if it's terrible! The next update won't be for quite a while, at least a couple of weeks or maybe a month. When my exams finish, I want to concentrate and write a really good chapter. Hopefully! Thanks to _DCFG_ and '_Griff_' for pointing out those awful mistakes in the last chapter. I proof read this twice, if there's still 101 mistakes, all hope is lost. Also thanks to everyone who had reviewed, this chapter is for you.**

**Enjoy!**  
**PS:. Do not ask me where this chapter came from. xD  
PPS:. I play too much solitaire on my phone...**

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The Normandy was currently docked in the Citadel, the crew given unexpectedly a few precious hours of shore leave. Shepard had taken care of everything she could think of. She'd fulfilled all the last favours, tied all loose ends and had set the date for the Reaper IFF mission. Tomorrow.

Rather than float around a derelict Reaper, Shepard had reasoned to Miranda, they'd dock at the Citadel until her crew were fully prepared for this mission. If it was anything like the last supposedly empty ship, they'd have to be prepared.

The Commander couldn't explain or justify it to anyone (so she had kept her mouth shut) but she had a **really** bad feeling about this. Derelict or not, boarding a Reaper was asking for trouble and that's why Shepard had made sure all of her business was done before they set course for the mass relay.

That, of course, had nothing to do with what she was bringing back to the Normandy with a huge grin on her face. Things tended to be dead or very close to death when the Commander was that happy, so no-one could blame Joker from looking at her beam nervously.

"Commander?" It was strange for her to visit him armoured up anyway, usually first thing she did after coming aboard was to shower and change.

"Look! Joker, look!"

She practically threw it at the pilot and with her strength and his bones, that was a pretty hazardous thing to be doing. Joker looked quizzically at the object in his hands.

"I found it in that game store on the Citadel, you know the one-"

"Yeah, yeah Commander I know. But why are you so happy about a pack of cards?" He held the rather tired looking box holding what seemed to be a full deck of cards. "They're kinda out of date."

Shepard shrugged. "I like playing cards. And the salarian at the shop seemed to really like playing solitaire, but said he never played it with real cards and I was just thinking we could have a game of poker?"

"Just us?" Joker raised an eyebrow, turning the box around in his hands.

"No," She said sarcastically, as if that much was obviously. "I'm going try and rope as many people as possible."

"Yeah, right, Commander. You issued a few hours of shore leave on the Citadel. I'd like to know who in our crew is insane enough not to get hammered in the Dark Star..." Joker trailed off as the Commander heaved up a bag he hadn't noticed until now.

"I bought alcohol. Lots of it. If they play, it's free?"

"Yeah, they'll play Commander. Wow, you really like cards, huh?"

"I like games in general. Hold onto those. Come to the mess in like, an hour, okay?" The Commander turned and made her way to the elevator, leaving Joker to wonder why he wasn't left with the alcohol as well.

* * *

Okay, so, Donnelly, Daniels, Jack, Garrus and even Jacob he'd expected would jump at the chance to get a little competitive and a whole lot drunk. Joker really hadn't expected Tali and Samara as well. And Thane. Why did he never see that guy first when he entered a room?

He tossed the deck at Shepard who caught them (probably without even having to think about it) and pulled up a seat, Gardner was most likely on the Citadel as he was not in his usual place. Joker also noticed there were already quite a few empty alcohol bottles. Shepard herself had her feet on the table in front of an empty space, draining a bottle of beer.

"This'll be my chance to get you back for that Skyllian Five game, Shepard." Donnelly proclaimed grinning with confidence, whilst by his side Daniels rolled her eyes almost apologetic for his behaviour. The Commander didn't dignify this with a retort.

"Commander," Samara said in her perfect tones. "I believe I have memorized all the rules of the game." Well, damn, she had to have a good memory. What was her code? Like 5000 sutras or something?

"Good!" The Commander clapped enthusiastically, putting her feet down and leaning across the table a bit. "Everyone else got it?"

"I'm better at 'Five, but I'll still kick your ass." Kenneth was really pushing it.

Garrus looked over and saw the look on the Commander's face. Calculating, devious. "Oh, shit." He suddenly exclaimed, no-one else seemed understand Garrus's sudden outburst.

"Oh really?" The Commander inched forwards, lacing her hands together on the table.

"Really." In reply to her move Kenneth leaned back in his chair, folding both arms.

"Then let's make this interesting."

"Oh, shit." Tali echoed Garrus's previous statement with obvious sarcasm for how stupid the engineer was being. Garrus twitched his mandibles with a chuckle and lightly elbowed Tali next to him. This was not going to end well.

Shepard flicked her hand at the two in a decidedly dismissive gesture. "How about we make this a game of strip poker?"

"Why the hell not?"

"You sure?"

"Of course, but loser has to go full frontal. Doesn't scare me. What about you, Shepard?"

"I'm game. And we are still playing with credits."

"Hell yeah!" Jack piped in suddenly.

"Makes it all the more fun."

"Somebody should stop them before they start proclaiming the loser has to jump into the Omega 4 Relay in a Mako." Jacob said, whilst trying his hardest not to laugh.

"That sounds like fun, however." Tali gestured at herself blatantly. "Quarian."

"Yeah." Joker rubbed the back of his neck. "And Samara isn't this sort of thing against your code?"

"Light gambling and harmless fun is not, however, it does not matter seeing as I am under Shepard's command. She is my code. She told me I would play." It seemed the asari always had her head lifted so high.

"Samara." Shepard groaned, putting one hand to her face. "I didn't mean to force you to do anything-"

"On the contrary." The asari shared one of her rare smiles with them. "I think it will be... fun."

"Well, then. Tali if you lose you can... take a shot, or something. I think it'd be equally funny to see you drunk as this lot naked." She rummaged under her seat and lifted up some containers. "I bought stuff for you and Garrus, too."

"Oh, our Commander. So thoughtful and benevolent isn't she?" Joker mocked, putting both hands to his heart and striking a very mary-sue pose. Garrus was surprised Joker knew such long words.

"Shut it, Joker. So... everyone still want to play?" The reactions were mixed, some eager, some just too proud to say no and some half hearted acceptance of the new game. All in all, no-one said no.

* * *

Nobody was sure how much time had passed, but much chaos had been wreaked. Jacob, Joker Thane, Kenneth and Garrus were all showing off their bare top halves. This was not nearly as mortifying for them as it was for Gabby who was sitting there, everyone having made a comment on her pretty red bra.

Jack had recently acquired clothes, so when she had taken the black top off, she was still wearing her straps and well, everyone was used to that. For a good ten minutes the game had broken off whilst the girls had compared the male's chests. Joker had won.

Samara had only lost her boots (they were separate from the suit, who knew?) and Tali had gotten so drunk she couldn't play anymore. She just sat in her chair, erupting into unexplained giggle-snort fits every once in a while before she fell asleep on Garrus's shoulder. Jack had also drunk herself in a similar state, but instead called them all boring and went ashore to cause some havoc on the Citadel. (Forgetting the rest of her clothing as she went).

Shepard was the only one still clothed.

"I get it now." Joker exclaimed, a slight slur to his words. "Why you liked poker. You're really good at it!"

Shepard laughed, shaking her head and sounding completely sober. That bottle bear she'd been draining was still sitting next to her. "I'm good at all games." She looked at Kenneth, herself and him were the only ones left in the game. "Just lucky I guess..."

It was true. Garrus watched Shepard and he doubted she even knew what a poker face was, because all she did was seem happy at all the cards she looked at. Shepard didn't need a poker face because all of her hands were stupidly strong. Half way through Garrus had admitted defeat; soon the rest of the crew had called it quits too. All except Kenneth, chasing at least that one win.

"I've got you now Shepard." He said smugly, splaying his cards down. "Straight flush."

Suddenly the room was awake again, the alcohol induced snoozing forgotten and even Tali, apparently sober, got up to stare incredulously at Kenneth's hand. There was a collective gasp as everyone looked to the Commander, who was frowning.

"Beat that." Kenneth smacked his hands on the table.

"Okay." The Commander replied sweetly, and everyone looked at her, confused. She put her hand down. "_Royal_ flush."

There was a collection of hysterical laughter and unbelieving groans around the table. Kenneth himself smacked his head against the table. "Fine!" He yelled, then stood up and dramatically cast off his trousers.

"Er. Kenneth." Gabby looked at him like he was insane as everyone admired his bright green boxers. "You could've taken off your socks..."

"Oh?" He looked down, frowning. "Forgot about them."

"I believe we should retire." Thane suggested and a murmur of agreement was passed around the table.

"We're not finish yet!" Kenneth protested, only to be yanked out of his seat by Gabby.

"Yes we are. C'mon, you need to sleep and not let the Commander whoop your sorry ass any longer." For a few seconds the engineer struggled against Gabby and for a split second it looked like she was going to be dragged back but him until Tali walked past, seamlessly grabbed Kenneth's other arm and the two women began to smoothly drag the scot off.

"I have an awful headache." The quarian murmured to herself as they walked off.

"I'm never playing cards with you again, Commander." Joker promised, heaving himself up with the table as his support.

Shepard pouted. "Why does everyone say that?"

"Because you're ridiculously lucky. Or skilled. I'm not sure." Garrus said, laughing as he did. Joker had left them to retreat to the cockpit. Only now did the turian realize everyone had dispersed, leaving them alone. "I had fun." Apparently the Commander had started daydreaming, because even as he got up and walked back to the main battery, she stared at the Normandy's wall in thought.

"Garrus about stress-" The turian looked back just as the main battery doors closed. He heard a laugh, then an ominous millisecond later the doors reopened, and Shepard was suddenly in front of the door, as compared to sitting at the table. How she moved so fast, he'd never know. Maybe he should've stopped drinking earlier than he did...

"Have you got a minute?" She asked, amused that her own ship was being rude to her. Automated doors be damned.

The turian pulled his mandibles back in a grin at the situation, and then addressed what the Commander had wanted to took about. "Definitely." He paused before he started to voice the words he'd been sort-of-not-really-would-never-admit-to-rehearsing to her. "Part of me still thinks we're crazy for even considering... blowing off steam." Why couldn't he just say 'having sex?'

Shepard smiled her genuine smile, the one that gave him electric shocks and quickly continued. "But I want to try it with you. I want a few moments that are just for us, before we throw ourselves into hell for the good of the galaxy."

"I want that too Garrus." Shepard eyes softened with care and something else as she looked at the turian.

Since they'd started flirting and well, arranging what they were arranging every time Garrus saw Shepard he'd have an over whelming urge to touch her. As of yet he'd been denying himself the pleasure – disrupt the crew as little as possible. What she had just said made the urge scream at him like a banshee. The look she gave him was so intense it made his throat go dry.

"Glad to hear it." Garrus managed finally, having thought he'd been staring a little too long. "I'll do some, uh, research," Because the last batch of research had been seriously unsuccessful (the thought made his insides do something unpleasant) "and figure out how to... you know."

Garrus was getting way too good at reading the Commander. He could tell the difference between a look that was sincere and one that was plainly mocking him and seeing as she was human, that was damned impressive. Only he sort of regretted it, now the edges of her lips lifted in plain amusement.

"Okay, that sounded bad." He quickly turned his back, not wanting to see that face. Lucky turians didn't blush. Had he seen the Commander blush? He'd seen Chambers blush. Garrus vowed to make her blush.

He swore she was laughing as she left, and could only shake his head. How did someone as badass as himself get so stupid around a human like Shepard? Well that was self explanatory. It was Shepard.

* * *

Eye of the hurricane indeed.

"So, Commander." Garrus said somewhat casually as the three man team pointed their weapons at the walls of an apparently empty Reaper. "Something tells me you're looking for trouble. Otherwise you wouldn't have brought Grunt and I." The team's 'big guns', as Garrus liked to think of the trio...

"Nope." Shepard was keeping her cool as flawlessly as always, only the way she pointed her gun had a little more stress to it. "It's looking for us. I have a bad feeling. And our experience with derelict ships, haven't been the best, wouldn't you agree?"

"I damn well hope so." Grunt grunted (no pun intended), "I don't want to leave this Reaper without killing something!"

Later on that mission, Garrus would have liked to thought Grunt would have regretted wishing for such a thing, but as he watch the Krogan gleefully charging an Abomination, he realised that sort of thing would never happen.

They were under serious heat. Husks, Abominations and Scion came from all angles. The scions were a bitch. They hit hard and more than once Garrus got surrounded by a group of husks - not a pleasant experience to put it lightly. The Commander would have sooner blown herself up than let that happen to her. A husk never got within 5 feet of her, but Garrus had learnt, from the way she was in this battle – Commander Shepard did not like husks.

Now Garrus would never accuse her of being scared of one, but the way she was... jittery, too alert and every footstep of hers was followed with her gun more carefully than usual... Still, the Commander's fears (no, Garrus was sure, she had none) weren't the issue. The issue was an army of husks and a disabled Geth.

They were dead. All of them were dead. Shepard held a hand to her ear, but suddenly her hand felt weak, she felt the need to tremble. Her thoughts had over reacted, but she mulled EDI's words. They hadn't been slaughtered, they'd been kidnapped.

"Commander?" EDI said, having expected a response.

She looked at the rest of the crew on the shuttle, a little wide eyed but she saw them. All of them, waiting, looking for their leader to react. To fly or fall.

Shepard swallowed thickly, and calmly asked, "EDI, how many people survived?"

"One." The automated voice replied instantly. "Jeff has suffered no physical injuries."

Just Joker. Everyone... They were all gone. But not for long.

* * *

**What did you think?**


End file.
